Share your problems with your spouse!

Life has been hard around our house since I had baby N. I have felt overwhelmed, disinterested, lonely, and slightly depressed. I was embarrassed to talk about it with anyone and slowly withdrew more and more into myself and away from my husband and kids. My husband noticed something was off but never said anything because he figured I would just figure it out and then things would be fine again.Which normally would be true, but for some reason I just couldn't kick the melancholy I was feeling. I wasn't mad or angry or overally sad I just felt nothing.

So finally one night while we were folding laundry I started talking to T about it and telling him how I was feeling. I expressed to him how overwhelmed I felt with getting everything done and not being the mom and wife I know I am capable of. It didn't help that he sprained his ankle pretty bad and then ended up getting bad headaches which put extra work on me with a newborn baby. I told him that I needed more help around the house - he is an amazing helper already but only on certain things, he doesn't know what a broom or toilet brush look like I swear! I told him that I needed his help for me to not feel guilty about spending time working on my blogs or photography or digital scrapbooking.

He was such an amazing listener and not once did he get on the defensive, instead he kept telling me that if I was unhappy then he was unhappy and it is his responsibility as my husband to ensure I am happy. He thought he was being helpful already (which he was) but after explaining to him the help that I really needed he realized his help wasn't much help at all.

Since we have talked I have slowly started to feel happy again. I am far from being my normal happy self but I am closer today than I was before I talked with him. Just being able to tell him what I was feeling and not have him go on the defense was a huge help!

The day after I shared with him my problems, we began talking about how both of us sensed something wrong was but never said anything about it and why we thought that was. I honestly think that we let our fears and insecurities get in the way of sharing our problems with others and so we internalize them and we just get further and further away from our family and then it's not that hard to find connections elsewhere and fall out of love with each other. But by talking about it and sharing in a loving and supportive way brings you closer together and unites you guys in a battle against your problems. Sharing your faults and weaknesses, in my opinion, with each other can only make you stronger.

So if there is something in your life that you are struggling with but are too afraid to share it with the one you love find time this week to share it with them, and before you begin express to them how important it is to you that they don't go on the defensive but stay open minded and help you both find ways to help you through your struggles. I will be doing posts this week about great ways to communicate so stay tuned!

Thankful Thursday

Right now I am in a pretty nasty mood, I am tired, I am frustrated with my husband, I am just grumpy. I normally have one day of postpartum depression and well today is it and after four kids I know that for me the only 2 ways to get myself out of a nasty funk are 1 take a hot bath and 2 to focus on all of the good things in my life. I can't have a hot bath for 4 more weeks so that option is out. However, I am a firm believer in the power of the mind and if I sit and wallow in my (completely justifiable by the way) misery then I will continue to be miserable, but if I choose to focus on the positives then I become a more positive person.

(DISCLAIMER: postpartum depression is incredibly serious, and if you struggle with any type of depression I strongly encourage you to seek medical advice because depression is very real and can mess up a lot of lives if it isn't treated, I just know myself very well, and know what works for me).

As I was cleaning up after putting the kids to bed I was thinking about how miserable my day was (my husband was gone pretty much all day knowing I was exhausted from the lack of sleep I had last night, and he did things today that I would've appreciated him not doing) I finally stopped and thought, get a grip Kim, this is what life is going to be like when he goes back to work, so you better figure out how to handle it (the difference is he has no choice but to go to work, whereas today was completely optional). Anyways, I realized that today was the first day since N was born that I didn't spend a good chunk of the day holding her in my arms, so that is where I am going to start my list of things I am thankful for.
These are not in order of importance, just as they come to me.
1. I am thankful to have a newborn daughter who completes our family, who is healthy, happy, and truly the definition of perfection.
2. I am thankful to have three other children, who all bring such different elements to our family, who are unique and perfect in their own special ways.
3. I am thankful for the blessing it is to be a mother, to be able to carry a child in my womb, and bring them into the world, I know a lot of women who would give anything to have that blessing and it isn't one I take lightly.
4. I am grateful to be married to my prince charming, even if he turns into a toad every now and then, he is my perfect match and I am grateful to be his wife for eternity.
5. I am thankful for friends who I can call and text and complain and they make me laugh! I have some amazing friends and am thankful for everything they do for me.
6. I am thankful to have a home that is large enough for my family and that I can afford.
7. I am thankful that I can be a stay at home mom, it is not something a lot of women can do and I know I am blessed to be able to do that.
8. I am thankful for the blessing it is to have a highly intelligent daughter that could run our house if needed to. Tonight she drew a bath for herself, gt pjs for her brothers, read them a bedtime story while I was calming down a fussy baby, and is just an amazing helper. I hope I never take advantage of her willingness to help!
9. I am thankful for the Savior and that I can always lean on him when I am too weak to stand on my own.
10. I am thankful for the opportunity I have to raise God's children and teach them about Him and His Son in not only my words but also my actions.

What are you thankful for? What helps you get out of a nasty funk?