I don't know what is going on this summer but my kids are sick again! M has strep, O has pink eye and N has RSV so I am trying to do everything I can to keep them away from each other since they are contagious and help them get better as quickly as possible since M has dance rehearsals almost every night this week and her big concert on Saturday! So yesterday I was getting drinks for my kids and I am giving them orange juice to drink since milk is not the greatest when you are sick - I've had to learn that the hard way - and O didn't want Orange juice but wanted milk, well I had already poured it and so this was what happened:
O: I want milk
Me: Sorry buddy I already poured you juice and you need to drink juice to get better
O: screaming - I want milk!!!!
Me: you can have juice or you can have nothing
O: throws himself on the floor and screams at the top of his lung for one minute straight - yes I timed it :)
Me: completely ignoring O's screaming and getting M and J their drinks
J: (while covering his ears and almost crying) Mom please just give him what he wants so he will stop crying
Me: No, just ignore him
J: I don't know how! Just give him some milk
Me: he will stop screaming in a minute and drink his juice just watch
O: after screaming for a minute straight he sees M and J drinking their juice and gets up off the floor, walks over and picks up his sippy and says, "Thanks Mom" then drinks his juice
Stick to your guns, ignore the tantrums and they will end and they will do what is expected. But if you give in and give them what they want - they will continue to throw tantrums in order to get what they want! So do yourself a favor this week and don't give in!
Showing posts with label Power Struggles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Power Struggles. Show all posts
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
from "I hate" to "I love"
In case you don't know this my family is very religious. We go to the LDS church and I serve in the primary (kids 18 months to 12 yrs old) presidency and my husband is the Elder's Quorum president (men over 18). We go to church every Sunday unless we are sick, we have family home evening after church every Sunday, we pray for every meal and at bed time and we also read our scriptures before bed. I am not telling you this to brag or to say look at me but simply to give you a picture of how our family functions in relation to teaching our children about religion.
If you have been reading this blog you know that J, my almost 5 yr old, is my difficult child and has been from birth. In our church the children begin going to nursery at 18 months - which every parent can't wait for because it means you can actually hear a lesson every once in a while in church! Well when J started going to nursery he would scream like he was dying and physically attack the nursery leaders for about 10 minutes straight then he would calm down and play. We had an amazing nursery leader who let me know that if she couldn't handle him she would gladly bring him to me and she never did. It took until he was 2 1/2 yrs old to finally walk into nursery without screaming and the reason for that was because I did the number one thing parents should never do . . . I BRIBED HIM! I told him that if he walked into nursery without crying and without attacking the teachers he would be able to pick out the movie we watched that night but if he cried or hurt the teachers I would let M pick out the movie. He was old enough at the time to start not liking the "girl movies" i.e. the princess movies so this worked wonders!
One day out of the blue he told my husband and I that he hates church and he hates Jesus - he was 3 at the time. I was shocked! What 3 yr old hates Jesus? I had never met one and I was very worried. I know how important the early years are for children and I didn't want him to hate church as a child because I knew it would only get worse the older he became. So my husband and I talked about it and we both agreed that the last thing we wanted to do was to force the church on him and try to force him to love the Savior. We went about this by not overreacting every time he told us he hated church or Jesus, we just said that's o.k. or ignored it a lot of times. He would refuse to pray but we did require him to kneel with our family to show respect. We took him to church every Sunday because as a family we attend church and as long as he lives under our roof he will attend church. Then one day I asked him why he hated Jesus so much. I was humbled by his answer, he told me, "I hate Jesus because I don't want to have to die on the cross like He did." At church the kids learn about how the Savior died for us and he took that to mean that we all had to die like the Savior and that scared him. We talked to him about how Jesus died for us so we don't have to die like he did. I didn't go too much into death and resurrection because he was only 3. From that moment on he started to begin to like Jesus a little more, it wasn't an immediate change but gradually over the next two years he has come to the decision on his own that he loves Jesus and the church and the scriptures. He is now the one to remind me about saying bedtime prayers, and about reading our scriptures and he says some of the most humbling and amazing prayers! In fact tonight we went to Sonic for dinner and I bought the kids a cherry slush and asked them to add real cherries, when we got home and he saw that they gave him 3 cherries he immediately told me that he had to say the prayer for dinner and in his prayer he thanked Heavenly Father not only for the dinner but that we were able to go to Sonic for dinner and he thanked him for his "3 cherries in his slurpee." He will take the time to thank Heavenly Father for everything he did that day, anything that he received from anyone, and for each person in our family without being coached on what to say. The other night he also got scared in the middle of the night and came running into our room crying. When I asked him why he was so scared he told me it was because he couldn't see his Jesus statue. He told me that when he can see Jesus in his room he isn't scared! What faith and what love all from a child who 2 years ago HATED everything to do with that.
So how does this apply to you? From watching him grow over the years I have learned the value of three things. The first is to be an example to your children. I could have told him that the church was good and that he had to love the Savior and never did anything myself to show him that I loved the church and the Savior. Instead I made sure he knew I felt that way by living the Gospel. The second is the importance of exposing things to children over and over and over until they like something. The third is patience and consistency, I guess that is four - but I knew that J wasn't going to change his mind overnight so I had to be patient and trust that I knew I was doing the right thing and that eventually he would figure it out for himself! So let's say your child hates eating vegetables and literally refuses to eat them but you as a parent know that vegetables are healthy and that our bodies need those nutrients what can you do? The first thing is to be an example, make sure your kids see you eating the veggies and enjoying them and second put them on their plate every night for dinner and tell them they have to eat at least 5 peas to get dessert, and eventually over time they will eat their veggies without a fight and may even love them! Oh I also learned one more thing - don't make it a fight! I didn't fight with J about his feelings, instead I told him how I felt about his feelings, i.e. "I am sad to hear that you don't like church" and then told him what was expected of him, i.e. "we go to church every Sunday and even though you don't like it, you still have to go." So whatever trial you are struggling with hang in there, be patient, be an example, be consistent, be loving, and eventually your child will learn to love it.
If you have been reading this blog you know that J, my almost 5 yr old, is my difficult child and has been from birth. In our church the children begin going to nursery at 18 months - which every parent can't wait for because it means you can actually hear a lesson every once in a while in church! Well when J started going to nursery he would scream like he was dying and physically attack the nursery leaders for about 10 minutes straight then he would calm down and play. We had an amazing nursery leader who let me know that if she couldn't handle him she would gladly bring him to me and she never did. It took until he was 2 1/2 yrs old to finally walk into nursery without screaming and the reason for that was because I did the number one thing parents should never do . . . I BRIBED HIM! I told him that if he walked into nursery without crying and without attacking the teachers he would be able to pick out the movie we watched that night but if he cried or hurt the teachers I would let M pick out the movie. He was old enough at the time to start not liking the "girl movies" i.e. the princess movies so this worked wonders!
One day out of the blue he told my husband and I that he hates church and he hates Jesus - he was 3 at the time. I was shocked! What 3 yr old hates Jesus? I had never met one and I was very worried. I know how important the early years are for children and I didn't want him to hate church as a child because I knew it would only get worse the older he became. So my husband and I talked about it and we both agreed that the last thing we wanted to do was to force the church on him and try to force him to love the Savior. We went about this by not overreacting every time he told us he hated church or Jesus, we just said that's o.k. or ignored it a lot of times. He would refuse to pray but we did require him to kneel with our family to show respect. We took him to church every Sunday because as a family we attend church and as long as he lives under our roof he will attend church. Then one day I asked him why he hated Jesus so much. I was humbled by his answer, he told me, "I hate Jesus because I don't want to have to die on the cross like He did." At church the kids learn about how the Savior died for us and he took that to mean that we all had to die like the Savior and that scared him. We talked to him about how Jesus died for us so we don't have to die like he did. I didn't go too much into death and resurrection because he was only 3. From that moment on he started to begin to like Jesus a little more, it wasn't an immediate change but gradually over the next two years he has come to the decision on his own that he loves Jesus and the church and the scriptures. He is now the one to remind me about saying bedtime prayers, and about reading our scriptures and he says some of the most humbling and amazing prayers! In fact tonight we went to Sonic for dinner and I bought the kids a cherry slush and asked them to add real cherries, when we got home and he saw that they gave him 3 cherries he immediately told me that he had to say the prayer for dinner and in his prayer he thanked Heavenly Father not only for the dinner but that we were able to go to Sonic for dinner and he thanked him for his "3 cherries in his slurpee." He will take the time to thank Heavenly Father for everything he did that day, anything that he received from anyone, and for each person in our family without being coached on what to say. The other night he also got scared in the middle of the night and came running into our room crying. When I asked him why he was so scared he told me it was because he couldn't see his Jesus statue. He told me that when he can see Jesus in his room he isn't scared! What faith and what love all from a child who 2 years ago HATED everything to do with that.
So how does this apply to you? From watching him grow over the years I have learned the value of three things. The first is to be an example to your children. I could have told him that the church was good and that he had to love the Savior and never did anything myself to show him that I loved the church and the Savior. Instead I made sure he knew I felt that way by living the Gospel. The second is the importance of exposing things to children over and over and over until they like something. The third is patience and consistency, I guess that is four - but I knew that J wasn't going to change his mind overnight so I had to be patient and trust that I knew I was doing the right thing and that eventually he would figure it out for himself! So let's say your child hates eating vegetables and literally refuses to eat them but you as a parent know that vegetables are healthy and that our bodies need those nutrients what can you do? The first thing is to be an example, make sure your kids see you eating the veggies and enjoying them and second put them on their plate every night for dinner and tell them they have to eat at least 5 peas to get dessert, and eventually over time they will eat their veggies without a fight and may even love them! Oh I also learned one more thing - don't make it a fight! I didn't fight with J about his feelings, instead I told him how I felt about his feelings, i.e. "I am sad to hear that you don't like church" and then told him what was expected of him, i.e. "we go to church every Sunday and even though you don't like it, you still have to go." So whatever trial you are struggling with hang in there, be patient, be an example, be consistent, be loving, and eventually your child will learn to love it.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Battle of wills
We are finally mostly better at our house! I took N in for a follow up appointment today and while she still has a lingering cough she no longer has croup or an ear or eye infection! Yay, M is also better and now the only one who is under the weather is my hubby with a sprained ankle and sore throat. I will take that over everyone being sick any day of the week.
While it is great that we are all better now, my parenting skills were seriously lacking while we were all sick and now I have to get my butt back in gear. Some things that were lacking was my caring about where and what we ate. Every morning I just put out pop-tarts and a bowl with sippy cups of milk then went back to bed while my kids watched tv. (I know there is someone reading this thinking what a horrible mom I am for doing that but if you had the nights I had with a sick baby you wouldn't judge me) So because I went back to bed they took their pop-tarts and sippy cups into the living room where they mashed the pop-tarts into the couches and carpet, left sippy cups turned upside down to leak all over the couch and floor and well you get the picture. It didn't just end with breakfast, I did this with most meals because I was trying to take care of the baby and everything else so my couches looked HORRIBLE!
Mondays are my super cleaning days where I clean every inch of my house from top to bottom. So yesterday as I was vacuuming my couches I was so disgusted with them that I thought there has got to be a way to get these clean so I look and sure enough I can strip them all the way and wash the cushions in the washer, which I ended up doing and now my couches look beautiful and practically new once again. Because of all the work it took to get them clean I am determined to keep them clean so I instilled a new rule of no food or drink on the couches - much to my family's dismay. But seriously my husband spills as much as the kids so I mean business!
Well today O wanted a banana so I told him he could have one up to the table. He yells no and I tell him then no banana. I have the banana in my hand and unpeeled so he can see it and he keeps yelling at me to give him the banana and I keep calmly telling him that he can have his banana at the table. Finally he walks over and gets the banana then tries to run past me into the living room (he was watching Toy Story 3 and wanted to eat his banana on the couch) I of course grabbed him and sat him on the chair and told him he could eat the banana at the table. He then tries to run into the living room again and this time I take the banana out of his hands and tell him he can eat it at the table. I just kept telling him over and over again what I would let him do and never told him what he couldn't. Well after about five minutes of us going back and forth he finally walked over, sat at the table and said, "eat the banana at the table" I said o.k. and gave him the banana and he happily ate his banana, while watching Toy Story 3 while sitting at the table. After finishing the banana he then asked for an apple and I told him he could eat it at the table, he told me no on the couch, I told him at the table, he said o.k. at the table and ate his apple at the table as well. For dinner he just came and sat at the table and didn't even try to take his food into the living room.
The moral of the story is: stick to your guns, fight the battle, be consistent, be a broken record and eventually it will pay off! If you give them an inch they will take a mile.
While it is great that we are all better now, my parenting skills were seriously lacking while we were all sick and now I have to get my butt back in gear. Some things that were lacking was my caring about where and what we ate. Every morning I just put out pop-tarts and a bowl with sippy cups of milk then went back to bed while my kids watched tv. (I know there is someone reading this thinking what a horrible mom I am for doing that but if you had the nights I had with a sick baby you wouldn't judge me) So because I went back to bed they took their pop-tarts and sippy cups into the living room where they mashed the pop-tarts into the couches and carpet, left sippy cups turned upside down to leak all over the couch and floor and well you get the picture. It didn't just end with breakfast, I did this with most meals because I was trying to take care of the baby and everything else so my couches looked HORRIBLE!
Mondays are my super cleaning days where I clean every inch of my house from top to bottom. So yesterday as I was vacuuming my couches I was so disgusted with them that I thought there has got to be a way to get these clean so I look and sure enough I can strip them all the way and wash the cushions in the washer, which I ended up doing and now my couches look beautiful and practically new once again. Because of all the work it took to get them clean I am determined to keep them clean so I instilled a new rule of no food or drink on the couches - much to my family's dismay. But seriously my husband spills as much as the kids so I mean business!
Well today O wanted a banana so I told him he could have one up to the table. He yells no and I tell him then no banana. I have the banana in my hand and unpeeled so he can see it and he keeps yelling at me to give him the banana and I keep calmly telling him that he can have his banana at the table. Finally he walks over and gets the banana then tries to run past me into the living room (he was watching Toy Story 3 and wanted to eat his banana on the couch) I of course grabbed him and sat him on the chair and told him he could eat the banana at the table. He then tries to run into the living room again and this time I take the banana out of his hands and tell him he can eat it at the table. I just kept telling him over and over again what I would let him do and never told him what he couldn't. Well after about five minutes of us going back and forth he finally walked over, sat at the table and said, "eat the banana at the table" I said o.k. and gave him the banana and he happily ate his banana, while watching Toy Story 3 while sitting at the table. After finishing the banana he then asked for an apple and I told him he could eat it at the table, he told me no on the couch, I told him at the table, he said o.k. at the table and ate his apple at the table as well. For dinner he just came and sat at the table and didn't even try to take his food into the living room.
The moral of the story is: stick to your guns, fight the battle, be consistent, be a broken record and eventually it will pay off! If you give them an inch they will take a mile.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
How I handle power struggles
Every household has power struggles. It can be over when a child goes to bed, whether they clean their room up or not or when they have to do their homework, every day there are power struggles that go on in the home. These power struggles can make or break your day and can greatly affect your attitude towards your kids and other peoples attitudes towards your kids. No one likes a kid who gets whatever they want because they tend to be brats and no one likes a kid who thinks they don't have to respect other adult's or other people's homes because their parents don't make them. What I have found to be the most successful and effective way to handle a power struggle is to refuse to engage in them.
The number one thing I tell myself is that I am the adult and therefore it is my responsibility to keep my cool. Kids are still trying to figure out everything about being human and that includes controlling their emotions so as long as I remind myself that they are still learning it is easier for me to place myself in the role as teacher instead of being the boss of my home. As I have talked to other parents it seems like this is where they struggle the most, they get so frustrated that their kid is challenging their authority that all they want to do is show the kid who is boss. It is either that or they become so intimidated by the situation and are afraid of becoming the bad guy that they give in to the child's demands just to "shut them up" and then they wonder why their kids don't listen. So when you feel your back getting up and the need to flex your parenting muscles put yourself in the role of teacher and it will become a ton easier.
The next thing I do is figure out what I need to teach my kids in that moment. One of the biggest power struggles I recently went through with J was getting him to clean up his messes. It was always too hard and too messy to do it and he wanted me or his sister to do the work for him. He would literally walk into the playroom and just lay there and complain about how hard it was to clean up and he just wanted to play. Believe me it was very frustrating and there were plenty of times where I would get so beyond frustrated that I would lose my cool and yell at him until he was cleaning because he was scared and not because it was the right choice to make at the time. That is the key to parenting and if you can really get the importance of that your life will be so much better - the key is to teach children to make good choices not because they are scared or expect something in return but because it is the right thing to do. K back to J cleaning. What I needed to teach J in this power struggle was that because he chose to make a mess he needed to clean it up and that when his chores were done he would be able to have fun and play.
Now that I knew what I needed to teach him I needed to figure out the best way to teach him that - and that is not by giving in and cleaning up for him or by spanking him and yelling at him for not cleaning. Now I have different principles for cleaning based on where the mess is. Typically the consequence for not cleaning up your mess is that I will clean it up and it will go in a box in the garage where you have to earn it back however we have a playroom in our house that I know J is not the only one who messes up, in fact my 2 yr old O makes the biggest messes in there but he just turned 2 and he is not developmentally able to clean up the entire playroom and I refuse to punish siblings for the mistakes of other siblings so I had to get creative. J loves games, especially video games and for Christmas we bought him the Toy Story 3 Wii video game. He absolutely loves this game so I used this game as a motivator to teach J to clean up without a power struggle. M and J have to have their rooms and the playroom clean and all toys and books out of the living room and kitchen before they are allowed to play video games so when they would ask to play the Wii I would ask them what the rule was and they would both say they had to clean . . . and I would then say o.k. when you finish cleaning up let me know and I will turn the game on for you. The key word there is WHEN, when is my absolute favorite word as a parent because it says so many things in only four letters, it implies that it is not negotiable but is expected to be done, it puts the power in their hands because they get to choose when the task will be accomplished not if it will be accomplished - seriously get rid of the word if and replace it with when and your world will change immensely!
The final step is to follow through! This is the key, once you give the child their choice it is up to them to figure out how to make that choice and up to you to leave them to it. In this case M and J have a choice to either not clean up and not be able to play video games or to clean up and be able to play video games, it is completely up to them. Now just like I don't believe in punishing one sibling for another sibling's choice I will not reward one sibling for another siblings work. M my almost 6 yr old learned a long time ago that I mean business when I give a choice and that her life is so much easier when she chooses to make the right choice so immediately she gets to work and within thirty minutes she would have the playroom, her room and J's rooms cleaned up while J watched her and did nothing to help, so guess what M would be able to play the video game and J would have to watch and not be allowed to touch a wii remote. While M was playing the game I would reinforce to J that it was his choice to not clean up and therefore he chose to only be able to watch. I made it very clear to him that it was his choice. It only took about three days of that happening before J realized he needed to start cleaning up or he wouldn't be able to have the fun that his sister was having and now every morning after he is dressed and fed breakfast he immediately cleans up the living room, his room and the playroom so that he can play video games - the best part about it is that my husband and I don't even have to ask, he will just come up to me and say Mom I am going to clean up so I can play the video game and I say o.k. thanks. Don't believe me? Come over to my house at 9 a.m. and you will see my 4 yr old boy busting his butt cleaning up every toy and book in the house so he can play.
So here are the steps again:
1. Keep your calm, refuse to engage in the power struggle and put yourself in the role of teacher
2. Figure out what lesson your child needs to learn - whether it is that bedtime is at 8 no matter what or that mom is not a short order cook and they will eat what they are served
3. Decide on the best way to teach them that lesson through giving them choices and putting the power in their hands
4. Follow through!!! Even if you feel like you are being the bad guy believe me it is worth every minute of that follow through.
The number one thing I tell myself is that I am the adult and therefore it is my responsibility to keep my cool. Kids are still trying to figure out everything about being human and that includes controlling their emotions so as long as I remind myself that they are still learning it is easier for me to place myself in the role as teacher instead of being the boss of my home. As I have talked to other parents it seems like this is where they struggle the most, they get so frustrated that their kid is challenging their authority that all they want to do is show the kid who is boss. It is either that or they become so intimidated by the situation and are afraid of becoming the bad guy that they give in to the child's demands just to "shut them up" and then they wonder why their kids don't listen. So when you feel your back getting up and the need to flex your parenting muscles put yourself in the role of teacher and it will become a ton easier.
The next thing I do is figure out what I need to teach my kids in that moment. One of the biggest power struggles I recently went through with J was getting him to clean up his messes. It was always too hard and too messy to do it and he wanted me or his sister to do the work for him. He would literally walk into the playroom and just lay there and complain about how hard it was to clean up and he just wanted to play. Believe me it was very frustrating and there were plenty of times where I would get so beyond frustrated that I would lose my cool and yell at him until he was cleaning because he was scared and not because it was the right choice to make at the time. That is the key to parenting and if you can really get the importance of that your life will be so much better - the key is to teach children to make good choices not because they are scared or expect something in return but because it is the right thing to do. K back to J cleaning. What I needed to teach J in this power struggle was that because he chose to make a mess he needed to clean it up and that when his chores were done he would be able to have fun and play.
Now that I knew what I needed to teach him I needed to figure out the best way to teach him that - and that is not by giving in and cleaning up for him or by spanking him and yelling at him for not cleaning. Now I have different principles for cleaning based on where the mess is. Typically the consequence for not cleaning up your mess is that I will clean it up and it will go in a box in the garage where you have to earn it back however we have a playroom in our house that I know J is not the only one who messes up, in fact my 2 yr old O makes the biggest messes in there but he just turned 2 and he is not developmentally able to clean up the entire playroom and I refuse to punish siblings for the mistakes of other siblings so I had to get creative. J loves games, especially video games and for Christmas we bought him the Toy Story 3 Wii video game. He absolutely loves this game so I used this game as a motivator to teach J to clean up without a power struggle. M and J have to have their rooms and the playroom clean and all toys and books out of the living room and kitchen before they are allowed to play video games so when they would ask to play the Wii I would ask them what the rule was and they would both say they had to clean . . . and I would then say o.k. when you finish cleaning up let me know and I will turn the game on for you. The key word there is WHEN, when is my absolute favorite word as a parent because it says so many things in only four letters, it implies that it is not negotiable but is expected to be done, it puts the power in their hands because they get to choose when the task will be accomplished not if it will be accomplished - seriously get rid of the word if and replace it with when and your world will change immensely!
The final step is to follow through! This is the key, once you give the child their choice it is up to them to figure out how to make that choice and up to you to leave them to it. In this case M and J have a choice to either not clean up and not be able to play video games or to clean up and be able to play video games, it is completely up to them. Now just like I don't believe in punishing one sibling for another sibling's choice I will not reward one sibling for another siblings work. M my almost 6 yr old learned a long time ago that I mean business when I give a choice and that her life is so much easier when she chooses to make the right choice so immediately she gets to work and within thirty minutes she would have the playroom, her room and J's rooms cleaned up while J watched her and did nothing to help, so guess what M would be able to play the video game and J would have to watch and not be allowed to touch a wii remote. While M was playing the game I would reinforce to J that it was his choice to not clean up and therefore he chose to only be able to watch. I made it very clear to him that it was his choice. It only took about three days of that happening before J realized he needed to start cleaning up or he wouldn't be able to have the fun that his sister was having and now every morning after he is dressed and fed breakfast he immediately cleans up the living room, his room and the playroom so that he can play video games - the best part about it is that my husband and I don't even have to ask, he will just come up to me and say Mom I am going to clean up so I can play the video game and I say o.k. thanks. Don't believe me? Come over to my house at 9 a.m. and you will see my 4 yr old boy busting his butt cleaning up every toy and book in the house so he can play.
So here are the steps again:
1. Keep your calm, refuse to engage in the power struggle and put yourself in the role of teacher
2. Figure out what lesson your child needs to learn - whether it is that bedtime is at 8 no matter what or that mom is not a short order cook and they will eat what they are served
3. Decide on the best way to teach them that lesson through giving them choices and putting the power in their hands
4. Follow through!!! Even if you feel like you are being the bad guy believe me it is worth every minute of that follow through.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Who's the boss?
In my experience 99% of behavior problems are power struggles. Kids want to feel like they have power over their life and parents like to be in control of their child's life and therefore you get power struggles.
Here is an overview of what a power struggle looks like:
Here is an overview of what a power struggle looks like:
- Child’s basic belief: I am significant only when I am the boss.
- Child’s attitude: “you can’t make me,” “I must have what I want,” “I must be able to do what I want.”
- Child does: stubborn, disobedient, temper tantrum, bossy, argue, uncooperative, has to be first, has to always win, manipulative, do opposite of what they are told.
- Adult feels: very frustrated, mad, angry, embarrassed – more intense feelings
- Child’s response: continue without stopping or gets worse.
- Appropriate Response: AVOID POWER STRUGGLES! You have two choices, you can either ignore it or give the power if it is unimportant. The most important thing is to refrain from getting angry and if you get in a fight take yourself out of it. Use natural consequences as mush as possible; for example, a child refuses to wear a coat when it is cold outside so they get cold. Give children choices.
When giving choices say:
- You may do ________ or ________ you decide
- I’m sorry, that’s not one of the choices
- When you _______ then you may _______
What you can’t say: If you________ then you may ________; Don’t do that or else . . .
Choices have to be stated positively! Child will get angry and then you empathize so the child feels that you care and the power is still in their port and they can make a different choice next time.
Always take each instance for what it is and don’t use past experiences!
Give children appropriate such as jobs, choices, have them be a helper, and say yes
when they want something and it really is okay – is finishing that bowl of cereal
really worth the fight?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)