Have a question, concern or problem regarding your child's behaviors? Send me an email and I will do a blog post about it! You will always remain anonymous! tkmiller81002@yahoo.com

Thursday, September 29, 2011


My husband was recently challenged to make a list of his top ten priorities in order from most important to least important. As he was telling me about this task I told him that he needed to be brutally honest with the list. Little did I know the impact that little statement would have on me!

First let me back up. This past year has been hard for our family for a couple of reasons. The main reason it has been hard is because we had health drama this past year. We chose to have another baby so I got pregnant and then became very sick, I was literally throwing up every day for 8 months straight, then when I hit nine months I felt awesome but was the size of a whale! Then in December of last year my husband got a hernia from lifting weights and had to have surgery to repair it. Through all of this drama it was hard for us to want to do a whole lot more than wallow in our own misery and pain and so our once strong connection began to fade. T and I both responded to this differently and neither way was healthy for our relationship with each other. Over time it became like there was six people living separate individual lives in our home.

Fortunately for T and I we are both always willing to change and work harder to get what we want and what we want is to be an eternal family who loves to spend time together and respects each other above anything. Thus started our road to change. I would love to sit and point the finger and blame on T and pregnancy and everyone else, but I was just as responsible for our falling away from each other as anyone else. Since I made that one comment to T about the importance of being brutally honest about where his priorities are I have been deep in thought about the honesty of where my priorities lay.

I would love to say that my priorities are:
1. God
2. My Husband
3. My children
4. Myself
5. My extended family (my siblings and my inlaws)
6. My friends
7. Financial Stability
and really that is all that is important to me but in reality my life became more like this:

1. Me
2. Me
3. Me
4. Me
5. My friends
6. My kids
7.My hubby
8. God
9. My inlaws
10. My siblings and parents

If I am being completely honest with myself all I have to do is look at how I spent my time. I would spend it online or on Photoshop almost all day.  I would get annoyed when my kids asked for a snack or a drink because that took me away from my precious forums and Facebooks and scrapbook pages. I would rush through the bedtime routine without really interacting with my kids but forcing myself to read them a story or the scriptures because I knew it was important but there was no joy in the act. I would sit on the couch to watch TV with my husband but the whole time I was on the computer, designing something, editing something or checking my Facebook just in case one more person made a comment. If I wasn't on the computer I was on my smart phone. My thoughts were constantly on what I could design next, what I would blog about next, what my next Facebook post would be. I put my self esteem and all I had to give into something that could never give back to me like my children or my husband could. I would escape into a world where true joy and love and connections cannot exist! They can start there but they can never replace the real connection you get from cuddling on the couch or talking face to face or laughing over silly jokes and eating ice cream!

I feel that worse than growing apart from my children and spouse I grew apart from the Lord. I stopped reading my scriptures every day, I stopped saying my prayers, I stopped finding joy in serving but instead felt under appreciated.

It is not easy to admit to myself that I became more important than anyone else in my life and my wants and my desires and my needs became number one. Now I am not saying we need to take care of everyone else over ourselves, but I honestly believe that as we serve our family and spend time with one another then our own wants and needs fall into place. If I spend an hour playing and reading with my kids then they are more likely to play alone for an hour so I can have some me time. If I am willing to take care of my spouses needs and spend time with him then he is going to be more open to taking care of the kids while I get some me time in. Most important above all else if I build my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior before I build my relationship with an old friend from high school on Facebook I will feel more peace and joy in my life and the Facebook will still be there.

Most importantly I have found that it is how I spend my time. Do I spend more time talking to friends than my own children and spouse? Do I read my scriptures and say my prayers before checking my facebook page, emails and blogs? Do I stay up all night on Pinterest.com but am too tired to make love to my husband or say prayers before bed? How you spend your time and thoughts will truly show you where your priorities are!

So I challenge you to really contemplate where your priorities are, are they where you want them to be and if not what can you do to change that?

Monday, September 19, 2011

Sometimes kids just lose their mind

I was not happy he was left at home and M & J were at school. He was convinced that we should go back! Oh how we all love those tired 2 yr olds.
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Are you a Phineas & Ferb kind of parent?

Lately my kids have fallen in love with Phineas & Ferb. It has both boys and girls in it which makes it an easy pick for both M & J. If you have not watched this cartoon the premise is that Phineas and Ferb are brothers who love to invent things, much to the dismay of their older sister. Their mother is always in the episode, however, she is often shown doing miscellaneous household chores and appears to be completely oblivious to what is going on with her kids. As I was watching this cartoon today I began thinking about whether or not I was a Phineas & Ferb kind of mom, and I think that I have been from time to time but I am striving not to be.

Now you may be thinking, what do I mean am I a Phineas & Ferb kind of parent? What I mean when I say that is are we so caught up in doing the mundane every day tasks of living that we are completely clueless about what is going on in our kids lives? How often do we hear our kids fighting and react without actually knowing the full story? If you remember a few posts back I posted about how angry J is and what I was going to do about that.One of the biggest things I have realized since posting about that is that I really didn't have the full picture. You see J is smack dab in the middle of O and M who think they have the best ideas ever and everyone should just do what they say and J often gets lost in the mix. M and O are such outgoing, fun loving kids whereas J is a loner who likes to be left alone in his own space with his own toys doing his own things. Since I have been watching more and more I have seen that J is not so much angry all the time, but is frustrated because no one will just leave him alone when he asks to be left alone. Likewise I have noticed that O is quite the antagonizer who loves to pick at J until J can't take it anymore. O is probably not too happy with me being much more observant because he gets into a lot more trouble nowadays!

I also feel that sometimes our kids play so well together that it is easy to kind of tune them out and do our own thing. I am as guilty as the next person of turning on a movie for the kids and then getting lost in the wonderful world of the internet where I go from blog to blog and website to website until the movie is completely over and I didn't watch one minute of it with them. Or we get to cleaning one thing and then we just keep on going because the kids are playing so well and then before you know it it's time to put them to bed and how much do you know about what really went on with your kids that day?

How are you when you go out with your kids? Are you the mom that everyone wishes would pay a little more attention to their kids while at the park or at a playdate, or are you the mom that knows where every child is and what they were doing and are missing out on half the conversations because you are keeping an eye on your kids? Or are you somewhere in the middle? 

So if this sounds like you, what is something you can do to change? For every person it is going to be different, but one thing I have done is rearranged my house. I have brought all of the toys out of my kids bedrooms so they are forced to play out in the living and play area of the house and I can always hear what is going on. I have also brought the computer out of the office and have converted the office into a guest room / storage room so that even if I have to get on the computer I am still where my kids are and can know what is going on. I am also striving to only schedule my time for when the kids are in bed so that I do spend more time with them and focus on them more. In fact if you play Words with Friends with me at all you know that there are times when there are 2 days that go by and I haven't played because I am making a conscious effort to not get sucked into my phone and computer but am focusing more on being involved with what my kids are doing in the day.

So I challenge you this week to really pay attention to what kind of parent you are, are you a Phineas & Ferb kind of parent or do you know what your kids are doing throughout the day and actively striving to be involved in your kids lives? If you are a Phineas & Ferb kind of mom, are you o.k. with that? Does that bother you? And if it does bother you what are you going to do to change that?

Friday, September 16, 2011

Where did my brain go?

I have decided that nursing babies don't just suck the fat away but they suck brain cells away as well. I normally have an excellent memory but lately I am forgetting everything and can't seem to focus on anything. The days are whirlwinds and blurs all the time now! For example, the other day I was talking to a girlfriend of mine and she needed to stop by my house for something and was wondering when a good time would be, I told her I would be home all day and didn't have anything planned, but then twenty minutes later remembered that I would not be home because I was going to weight watchers and then out to lunch and then to pick up kids from school. Then the next morning I was laying in bed feeling like I was forgetting something but couldn't place what it was then halfway through getting ready for the morning I remembered that my kids had their first night of gymnastics that night and because I completely spaced it M didn't have a leotard for gym, luckily she still had her dance leotard and she was able to wear that with some shorts for her first night. Then halfway through the week I remembered I signed up to feed the missionaries and thankfully I bought extra steaks for that nights dinner when I went shopping. I completely spaced that I was supposed to volunteer at my kids school and scheduled a Dr. appointment for N in the morning and a presidency meeting right after that so now I can't volunteer.  Thankfully my kids have amazing teachers and totally understand but this is so unlike me! I am literally the person who forgets nothing! I used to tell my sister in law who is very forgetful how I wish I could be so forgetful so that I could "miss" things because "I completely spaced them" but then people would know I was lying because I don't forget, until now! I don't even remember to check my email or blogs half the time I just get so into living in the moment and thinking about that precious sleep that often eludes me and I forget everything else. I have even forgotten to pay the power and gas bills which is so unlike me! I mean it is on my bill pay how hard is it to remember to go to my bank account and schedule the payment? It's not, I just forget to do it! I am blaming it 100% on the fact that I have a nursing baby and not nearly enough sleep! 

And to top it off as I am typing this post I just got a call from the pharmacy saying that my prescription is ready for pick up which I scheduled to pick up 3 days ago and completely spaced it! Oh my, I really need to get my brain back!

So my question to you is this: what are your best strategies for remembering things in a hectic busy life. I know I should write things down . . . which I do . . . but then I forget where I put it! So tips and tricks would be greatly appreciated!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Keeping the romance alive after kids

The other day I was taking to a girlfriend of mine about how hard it was to go out on dates when you have kids because babysitters are so expensive! We were also talking about how hard it is to be intimate after having a baby because you feel so tired and the minute you hit the sheets you aren't thinking about anything but sleep, where as your hubby probably is.

So today instead of me giving you advice I would love for you to give me some: how have you kept the romance alive after having kids?
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