Motherhood is a calling

Found this printable on Pinterest check it out here!

The other day I read this amazing article about the worlds view of being a parent and our attitudes and thought I would share it here with you. I have been struggling lately with finding the right balance of time for the Lord, my spouse, my kids, myself and everything else in my life and I feel like this article was exactly what I needed to be reminded of. I love how it talks about how becoming a mother is like a kind of dying, a dying of ourselves, but also a chance to live a better life than ever possible without becoming a mother. I always tell my friends who are having their first child to not try to rush having that baby too soon because they will never ever not be a parent again, and to cherish those last days of just having to worry about yourself. I don't mean this in a bad way at all, it is just a reality! Once you hold your newborn baby or the adoption becomes legalized that person is tied to you forever. There will never again be a moment in your life where you don't think about that child and whether you are doing enough.

I often hear women comment on how they have lost themselves because of being a mom and I always think, no you have found a new you! You have discovered a you that is (hopefully) unselfish, responsible, compassionate, patient, a teacher, a friend, a counselor, a cheerleader, a supporter and a million more things. Somewhere over the past year I have lost sight of that and became focused on me more than my family and over the past two months as I have refocused my priorities and obligations and have removed the fog that was over my brain I have found a new joy in my life!

I have found that as I put my kids and God first I find that I am less interested in "me" time and more interested in time with them. Earlier today was my definition of perfect as M & J were at school and O, N, and I were cuddling on the couch and singing "EIEIO" (aka Old McDonald had a Farm) over and over and over and hearing the laughs from O and N as we tickled and made funny animal songs. Then later after school was over and N was down for a nap, T was helping J and M with homework, I was folding laundry and O was laying at my feet I just felt a peace and joy to be a part of this family I helped create. I am disappointed in myself that I lost sight of that. I strongly encourage you to read the article, it is very short, and really internalize what it says and see where you can improve!

Drop that Pop Tart!

I posted this on my family blog but since that is private I thought you would all get a kick out of this as well!

Yesterday morning M had a pop tart for breakfast (I know my mother-in-law is cringing as she reads this) and she had this pop tart in a bowl so she can break off the "crust" she only likes the gooey inside. When her ride for school came to pick her up she hadn't finished eating it, so she just left it in the bowl on my living room floor. Now N, who is now 6 months old, was no where even close to this bowl so I wasn't too worried about her getting to it, (do you see where this story is going). I talked to my friend who takes M to school for a little bit and then off they went. I checked on N and she was still nowhere near this bowl and as I was headed over to pick up the bowl my phone rang. I answered my phone and it was my primary president who is a chatter. We got to chatting and I didn't think twice about that bowl until I looked over and didn't see N. I then walked around a little bit and there she was, right next to the bowl and sucking the life out of that pop tart! I told my president I had to go because N was eating a pop tart and she just laughed and said she would call me back. So then came the task of retrieving the delicious chocolatey pop tart from a little girl who has just discovered for the first time of her life the joy of chocolate! Let's just say N was not going to let go of that pop tart, fortunately for me I am bigger and stronger so I was able to retrieve it from her determined little hands. She of course had chocolate all over herself and if I was thinking I would have snapped a photo of it because it was pretty awesome. But I was more concerned with cleaning her up than anything else! Crazy girl is on the move now and she is quick! I can't believe how quickly time flies!

Thankful Thursday

Today I am going to focus on what I am thankful for. I am thankful for the following:

The Savior, Jesus Christ and the atonement that allows me to forgive myself and others for the hurtful choices that have been made

My spouse, even though he isn't perfect I will always be thankful he is my husband

My four beautiful children, they love me for me and nothing else. They are my everything and I am sorry I lost sight of that.

My friends who do not judge me but are there for me constantly reminding me of who I am.

My family who is far from perfect, but I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for them

My inlaws - they have learned to love and accept me for who I am and I love that I know they are always there for me if I ever need them.

My church calling - it is such a blessing to see and hear the testimonies of the children grow each week.

What are you thankful for?

How to teach your children

I remember thinking how excited I was when I decided to go to college to get my degree in Early Childhood Education. I couldn't wait to learn the best ways to teach my kids their abc's and 123's. I was determined to have the smartest kids in the world all because of what I was going to learn in college. And then I went to my classes and had the biggest awakening of my life. Every single professor told me DO NOT SPEND YOUR TIME TEACHING THEM THEIR LETTERS AND NUMBERS! I was shocked! I could have sworn they were wrong and that their was no way they could honestly be telling me to not teach my children their letters and numbers. But they insisted on this over and over and over and over. Finally I decided I would hear them out and try to figure out what on earth I was supposed to teach them to be ready for school and do you want to know what that was? It was to provide developmentally appropraite activities to children that used as many senses as humanly possible to help them develop a love of learning. That's it! The absolute best way you can prepare your children for school is to expose them to as many things you possibly can in the most fun way you can possibly think of! Here are some suggestions:

Writing skills:
Roll up playdoh into snakes and make letters and numbers out of the snakes
Fill up a pie tin with flour and give them chopsticks and have them make designs in the flour
While playing in the mud, sand, snow, use your fingers to write their name or draw pictures
Give them a blank piece of paper and any writing tool and just let them go wild.
Fingerpaint

Reading skills:
READ TO YOUR CHILD A BOOK A DAY FROM BIRTH!
The only way your child will learn to read is if they are read to!

Math skills
Make patterns out of buttons, rocks, leaves, anything!
Count items around the house
Have children make groups of items that are the same - i.e. put all your girl barbies in one pile and your boy barbies in another.

Science skills
blow up a balloon
cook with them
make messes with sand and water, cornstarch and water, flour and water
blow bubbles

If you are ever trying to think of the best way to teach your child always remember this: the more senses involved in the activity the quicker they will learn. Can they smell it, taste it, hear it, feel it, see it? This even applies to teenagers! Make it real and concrete!

How to handle a 2 yr old tantrum without losing your cool

I have a 2 yr old who I love to pieces. He is the funniest, craziest, cutest 2 yr old on the planet, and I'm not just saying that because I'm his mom, it's the truth. This kid seriously is awesome. That is until he gets tired and he gets angry and he can't handle the emotions so he has a 2 yr old meltdown. You all saw the video I posted of his tantrum a few weeks ago all because he wanted to get M out of school after we dropped off J and that wasn't an option. When he gets mad he gets really mad and he goes insane. It is like a little monster emerges out of his body and he is no longer my sweet angel but my insane devil child.

As I have mentioned in previous posts I haven't been my normal awesome self as of lately and am slowly refinding myself and becoming the patient, understanding mom I used to be before having raging hormones from pregnancy and nursing. So while I was in my funk and O would begin having his tantrum I would immediately feel my body tense up and prepare to go to battle with this two yr old. I would carry him to his room, yell at him, close the door and then hold it closed because he wouldn't stay in there on his own. Well the other day he began melting down and losing his mind and as I began to feel my body tense up I immediately stopped myself and thought, "Kim you are 28, he is 2! I am not going to engage in this battle with him" so instead I walked over to him, picked him up and carried him to his bed to remove him from the situation (which probably had something to do with his older brother bothering him) and then I laid down next to him, held him in my arms and began singing. At first he tried to fight me because he thought I was going to react the way I had been reacting the previous 6 months. But after the first two lines of twinkle, twinkle little star he slowly began to calm down and let me just hold him. I sang a couple more songs with him until he was completely calmed down and then I told him I loved him, and asked him if he was ready to be a happy nice boy or if he still needed me to sing him some songs. He said he wanted to be happy and nice so we walked out of his room together and he was happy once again.

The moral of that story is this: the key to handling a tantrum is first, to remember you are the adult and have a lifetime of experience to learn how to handle your emotions whereas your child is still learning how to handle their emotions; second is to remove them from the cause, and third shower them with love and patience and give them the time they need to calm down.

What are your tips for handling tantrums without losing your cool?

Everything is a choice

For those of you who do not know I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and twice a year we have what is called General Conference where we hear great and inspiring messages from the Prophet and apostles of our church. I absolutely love General Conference and I always hear exactly what I need to hear while watching it. One of the talks given was all about choices and I don't remember the exact quote or even who gave the talk so for my fellow church member if you remember please leave a comment so i can give credit and the exact quote. Anyways, he said something along the lines that we don't arrive at our destiny by chance but by the choices we make.

I knew this already, I teach this to my children on a regular basis, but for some reason when he said those words it was like a glass of ice cold water was thrown in my face and I stopped and took stock on the choices I was making. I thought about how often my kids would ask me to play with them and I would tell them after I cleaned up something or after I finished reading the chapter (which sometimes ended up being after I finish this book) or after I finish this show or . . . well you get the picture. I laid there and thought about all the choices I had been making in my life lately.

I then began thinking about how this applies to being a parent and a spouse. How often do we give our children choices and expect them to make the correct choices but then we make the poor choice? Did you know that it is your choice to get angry or frustrated with a screaming 2 yr old or you can choose to stay calm and help teach that screaming 2 yr old how to properly channel their emotions? Did you know it is your choice to lose your temper or to keep your head? Did you know you can choose to teach your children to behave appropriately through love and being an example rather than through fear?

You choose what kind of parent you will be and only you. It isn't your mom or dad or your spouse or your best friend or your church leader. It is you and only you! So ask yourself what kind of parent do you want to be? Do you want your children to be afraid of you? Do you want your children to always feel loved and cherished? Do you want to be a patient, kind, but firm mom? Do you want to be a doormat? Do you want to be their boss? Do you want to be their friend, their confidant, or their enemy? The choice is yours to make and yours alone and your actions will always tell on you!


I would love for you to leave a comment stating what kind of parent or even teacher you want to choose to be and what changes you are going to have to make to be that person!

Priorities

My husband was recently challenged to make a list of his top ten priorities in order from most important to least important. As he was telling me about this task I told him that he needed to be brutally honest with the list. Little did I know the impact that little statement would have on me!

First let me back up. This past year has been hard for our family for a couple of reasons. The main reason it has been hard is because we had health drama this past year. We chose to have another baby so I got pregnant and then became very sick, I was literally throwing up every day for 8 months straight, then when I hit nine months I felt awesome but was the size of a whale! Then in December of last year my husband got a hernia from lifting weights and had to have surgery to repair it. Through all of this drama it was hard for us to want to do a whole lot more than wallow in our own misery and pain and so our once strong connection began to fade. T and I both responded to this differently and neither way was healthy for our relationship with each other. Over time it became like there was six people living separate individual lives in our home.

Fortunately for T and I we are both always willing to change and work harder to get what we want and what we want is to be an eternal family who loves to spend time together and respects each other above anything. Thus started our road to change. I would love to sit and point the finger and blame on T and pregnancy and everyone else, but I was just as responsible for our falling away from each other as anyone else. Since I made that one comment to T about the importance of being brutally honest about where his priorities are I have been deep in thought about the honesty of where my priorities lay.

I would love to say that my priorities are:
1. God
2. My Husband
3. My children
4. Myself
5. My extended family (my siblings and my inlaws)
6. My friends
7. Financial Stability
and really that is all that is important to me but in reality my life became more like this:

1. Me
2. Me
3. Me
4. Me
5. My friends
6. My kids
7.My hubby
8. God
9. My inlaws
10. My siblings and parents

If I am being completely honest with myself all I have to do is look at how I spent my time. I would spend it online or on Photoshop almost all day.  I would get annoyed when my kids asked for a snack or a drink because that took me away from my precious forums and Facebooks and scrapbook pages. I would rush through the bedtime routine without really interacting with my kids but forcing myself to read them a story or the scriptures because I knew it was important but there was no joy in the act. I would sit on the couch to watch TV with my husband but the whole time I was on the computer, designing something, editing something or checking my Facebook just in case one more person made a comment. If I wasn't on the computer I was on my smart phone. My thoughts were constantly on what I could design next, what I would blog about next, what my next Facebook post would be. I put my self esteem and all I had to give into something that could never give back to me like my children or my husband could. I would escape into a world where true joy and love and connections cannot exist! They can start there but they can never replace the real connection you get from cuddling on the couch or talking face to face or laughing over silly jokes and eating ice cream!

I feel that worse than growing apart from my children and spouse I grew apart from the Lord. I stopped reading my scriptures every day, I stopped saying my prayers, I stopped finding joy in serving but instead felt under appreciated.

It is not easy to admit to myself that I became more important than anyone else in my life and my wants and my desires and my needs became number one. Now I am not saying we need to take care of everyone else over ourselves, but I honestly believe that as we serve our family and spend time with one another then our own wants and needs fall into place. If I spend an hour playing and reading with my kids then they are more likely to play alone for an hour so I can have some me time. If I am willing to take care of my spouses needs and spend time with him then he is going to be more open to taking care of the kids while I get some me time in. Most important above all else if I build my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior before I build my relationship with an old friend from high school on Facebook I will feel more peace and joy in my life and the Facebook will still be there.

Most importantly I have found that it is how I spend my time. Do I spend more time talking to friends than my own children and spouse? Do I read my scriptures and say my prayers before checking my facebook page, emails and blogs? Do I stay up all night on Pinterest.com but am too tired to make love to my husband or say prayers before bed? How you spend your time and thoughts will truly show you where your priorities are!

So I challenge you to really contemplate where your priorities are, are they where you want them to be and if not what can you do to change that?