Have a question, concern or problem regarding your child's behaviors? Send me an email and I will do a blog post about it! You will always remain anonymous! tkmiller81002@yahoo.com

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Authoritarian Parents: The Dictator

Before reading this post I want you to make the same commitment as you did with the Permissive Parenting post, commit to look inside yourself to determine whether or not this is you, as you read this do not think about it being like anyone else, only yourself.

Have you ever said "I am the boss of my house" or what about "What I say goes" or "My kids will behave"? Do you find yourself constantly yelling and spanking your kids? If so you are using the authoritarian parenting style. Some examples of this parenting style are:

  • Mom makes pancakes for breakfast and Annie doesn't want to eat pancakes for breakfast.  Mom tells Annie, you will eat your pancakes and you will not leave this table until every last bite is finished even if it takes all morning.
  • Annie makes a mess in the living room and leaves it. Mom wants Annie to clean her mess and when Annie refuses mom yells, spanks, grounds, or physically makes Annie pick up her mess.
  • Annie doesn't want to go to bed and keeps coming out of her room, mom yells at Annie, Annie keeps coming out and mom spanks Annie, and tells her she will go to be right this minute.
 These parents believe that they must be in control at all times and their children will do what is expected of them. They are very involved parents because they want to ensure their children are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing at all times. They place high value on obedience and tend to have a lot of rules that are made by the adult. The rules the parents make are based on what the adult has determined as appropriate behaviors and on maintaining the adults control. Often times the parent operates in absolute terms and views the child's behavior in black and white terms and therefore do not always see the reason behind the misbehavior. The parents standard is always right and they rarely explain their reasons to their children, they are the parent and that is all the explanation that is needed. These parents tend to be more aggressive in their discipline and do not have problems with following through with their disciplines. They discipline by using physical punishment, yelling and time-outs. While these parents are great in the sense that they are willing to be consistent, involved, and diligent they are too strict and too controlling for children to really grow under their reign. These types of parents typically are more abusive than the other types of parents, whether it is through physical or emotional abuse.

These children tend to:

  • Have low self-esteem
  • Don't think for themselves - they either conform or become defiant
  • Have poor social relationships
  • Are not truly happy
  • Are not high achievers
  • Are followers
  • Become rebellious teenagers
This parenting style has been the "norm" for centuries and is therefore the most common type of parenting, and it worked very well when the world didn't focus so much on equality for all, but now that the world is no longer so unequal it works very poorly for raising children. While the parent is getting what they want - what are the children getting?

If you are unsure if this is you as a parent ask yourself if you have ever said or done the following:
"Because I'm the parent and I said so!"
"As long as you live under my house, you will obey my rules"
"When you are the parent, you can decide what to do"
Have you ever picked out your teenagers clothes?
Are you angry or yelling often at your kids?
Do you ground or punish your older (ten and above) children?

If you answered yes to a majority of the above you are an authoritarian parent. Still unsure? Ask your kids who is the boss and if they say you/ your spouse then you or your spouse is an authoritarian parent!

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